It has been proven that the formation of self-esteem occurs in the first 5 years of a person’s life. During this period, it is especially important to show trust, respect, and love to the little person. Frequent criticism and reproaches in the future can negatively affect the child's future life - as an adult, such a person will suffer from low self-esteem, even if he achieves success in life. Our specialists understand the important role that building self-esteem plays. To correct it, various psychotherapeutic techniques are used: cognitive behavioral therapy, dynamic therapy, EMDR and many others.
There is a widely known saying from the Talmud that we see things not as they are, but as we ourselves are. And in many ways our vision depends on how we evaluate ourselves and how harmonious our inner world is.
Self-esteem is one of the basic concepts in modern psychology. In fact, self-esteem determines the direction and level of a person’s activity, his attitude towards the world around him, and is an important factor in conscious self-regulation. Many researchers agree that inadequate or low self-esteem negatively affects a person’s social behavior and significantly reduces adaptation to stress.
Everyone probably remembers Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tale “The Ugly Duckling”. The duckling's troubles began from the moment he was born. He hatched from the egg later than everyone else, was clumsy and strikingly different from his brothers with his extraordinary appearance. At his first presentation at the poultry yard, the duckling failed the "proper duckling" exam and was kicked out in disgrace, and all the birds found his appearance ugly. After such a crushing blow of fate, the duckling did not break, but continued to fight for its place in the sun. He had to endure cold and hunger, bullying from others because of his unusual appearance, and more than once he was on the verge of committing suicide. He could not understand who he was and why he was born, because no one accepted him as one of their own. The only thing that warmed him was the thought that when he grew up, he would become as beautiful as the beautiful birds, which he had seen only once and did not know their names.
The negative assessment of the duckling’s appearance, which he received one day in the poultry yard, and subsequently reinforced by the opinions of others, permanently cemented the image of an “ugly freak” in the duckling’s mind. He believed that in this life he was destined for the role of an outcast, forced to forever hide his ugliness from others. It didn’t even cross his mind that things might be different. And even in the final episode of the fairy tale, when the duckling turned into a beautiful swan, swam up to the majestic birds and said: “Kill me!”, still perceiving himself as an ugly and insignificant creature.
The situation described in the fairy tale is very trivial and describes the main stages of the formation of self-esteem. Most experts in the field of developmental psychology agree that the core of personality and the foundations of self-esteem are formed in the first five years of a person’s life. As a rule, the opinion about ourselves is based on the attitude of people or reference groups that are important to us. The meaning of reference groups for a person change in the process of his formation as an individual. The child receives his first self-esteem skills in the family. If parents show love, respect, and trust in treating their child, then the child gets used to treating himself as a person worthy of these feelings.
It is believed that to form a positive self-esteem in a child, three conditions must be met:
• Complete internal acceptance by parents of their child;
• Clear and consistent requirements;
• Respect for individuality within established boundaries
Stanley Coopersmith, 1967
Subsequently, the importance of parents as the main reference group decreases, and groups of comrades in studies, military service, and work come to the fore. The extent to which a person will successfully adapt to these groups and be able to fully realize his potential depends on the further formation of adequate self-esteem. Self-esteem ideally is a dynamic process that develops along with a person’s inner world. We often see a completely different picture. Imagine a successful financier who manages millions and runs a huge company, but at the same time feels deeply unhappy and lonely. It seems like everything is there, but nothing makes you happy. It is probably difficult to imagine that such an outwardly successful person could have low self-esteem.
The reason is that the financier carried his low self-esteem from childhood through his entire life. One got the impression that he remained in his childhood, perceiving himself as a mediocre and worthless person, incapable of anything in life. The reference group of parents, judging and criticizing him, became the main one for him. As if there were no brilliant studies at school and university, there was no successful career.
Such life scenarios are quite common in the practice of the «IsraClinic» psychiatric clinic. People simply do not know how and do not allow themselves to be happy. They are captive of their own taboos, while playing out other people's life scenarios. Despite apparent success, their life seems empty and devoid of any meaning to them. Such people, deprived of support and professional help, begin to look for the meaning of life in maladaptive behavior - alcohol, drugs, gambling.
Is it worth wasting your life like this and forever depriving yourself of the opportunity to be happy? The decision is yours.
Correcting Incorrect Self-Esteem
Self-esteem can be not only underestimated, but also overestimated when a person is not able to objectively criticize himself. Mentally, he idealizes himself, which in reality brings problems in relationships with other people. The main task of the psychologist in this case is to determine exactly what problems a person has with self-esteem and to develop a correction scheme that suits him.
As a rule, correction of incorrectly formed self-esteem at IsraClinic is carried out comprehensively, taking into account the individual characteristics of the individual. However, priority in correcting self-esteem is given to psychotherapy.
Methods for correcting self-esteem
Correction of self-esteem, as mentioned above, is carried out using a complex method, that is, using various methods of therapy simultaneously. This is the only way to achieve proper results. Methods for correcting self-esteem include:
• cognitive behavioral therapy;
• dynamic therapy;
• autogenic training;
• desensitization methods;
• art therapy method (especially when correcting children’s self-esteem);
The application of the described methods in practice makes it possible to evoke atypical reactions in the patient, unusual for him, and to assimilate them through repeated repetition. For example, if previously the patient practically could not refuse anyone’s requests, which often gave him a reason to take advantage of himself, then in psychotherapy sessions he learns to say a firm “No!” without feeling guilty. Repeated repetition of learned new reactions produces results - the patient calmly refuses inconvenient requests even outside the walls of the psychologist’s office.
Prevention, maintaining correct self-esteem
Self-esteem, according to the latest research by experts, is formed throughout life, it can be corrected, but its foundations are laid in childhood, under the age of 5. Preventive measures are simple - you need to love your children and not hide your feelings.
Remember, it is impossible to “love” a child. Respect is also important - never resort to humiliation as a method of education, especially in public. By doing this, you will not only not be able to achieve the proper educational effect, but you can also seriously lower your child’s self-esteem, which in adult life will cause serious problems in communication, personal life and in building a career. If you suspect low self-esteem, contact specialists who know how to help such patients.